What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We were destined to go to rehab together
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
