Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
