i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
