I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
