I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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