I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize