just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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