Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i love accidental penises.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
