Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
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Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
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Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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