i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
