The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
