dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Mom said you looked used
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
