she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize