I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize