I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
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He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
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Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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