Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
