I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
