dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
