Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
