Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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