We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
