dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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