GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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