dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just invented taco cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize