i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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