Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
