Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
