I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize