We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
