i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
