So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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