LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My vagina is officially offended.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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