I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
