I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
