I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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