Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I need moral support for this bender
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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