I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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