Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize