He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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