You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
