So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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