My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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