Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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