I want to have your abortion
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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