I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
