Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i dont even know how to be here
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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