hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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