You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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