considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
