remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
