Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
