Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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