it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
