There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
