good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
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