Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Two words: blizzard sex
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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