i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
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