I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Hippo gnu deer
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
